Have got a lot of travel-time alone, to do all my normal freak-out things tomorrow…as Cecil and I are on totally different flights. She’ll be kicking it with family in Boston hours before I reach Reykjavik. She lands at Gatwick, I’m touching down in Heathrow.
…And where, in “normal-world” anxiety terms, that’s just fun adventure…for people like me, the fact I’m getting on a damn plane to Iceland, and have 55 minutes to get through customs and to my London flight… should be seriously freaking me the fuck out right now.
…I dunno why, but for the moment at least, I’m totally fine with it.
…Where last night was my third consecutive one of shit sleep, it isn’t due to crippling fear or pacing. My nights have been 300% consumed in mapping, ticket-buying, and investingating all the stuff we could do (if we want to), will do (cuz we need to), and might do, despite all odds.
…Between London, Brighton, Warrington, and Stratford (so far on our lists), that is a pretty consuming occupation. So much so, that my brain doesn’t have time to flip out and require multiple distractions and interfacing from TVs, computers, bright lights, and other people…which is it’s usual demand.
I prefer this way.
…In the best of circumstances, it never has time to blip over to the shitty stage. This would be my brain Mecca of Zen….whilst mid world-altering happenings I cannot control, take place all around me, and I partake, blissfully, and completely okay with it.
And it might just happen.
…How I know is, today when the Whs guy was all, “So. Vacation, huh? Where yuh goin’? Hawaii? ”
…I said, “Nope. London. ”
…And he’s all, “Holy shit! ”
…And for the first time all week, I started to tear up. Not cuz of a 2 a.m. anxiety attack, period emo anger, or night-sweating hypochondriac freak-outs.
…It was cuz:
Holy shit.
I am going to fucking London.
Tomorrow.
To take theater classes.
The number one thing I’ve wanted to do.
My entire life.
My top plan.
For me.
…I’ve got a lot of people to thank for helping me get here, and a hell of a lot of cheerleaders backing me.
…But I’m one of those people too. And even with the sometimes cripplingness that is me…
I. mutherfucking. made it.
(You’d choke up too)
😂
~D
