Um, I dunno if you know it (International Friends), but there’s this whole thing where Americans wishing to look less ridiculous (or wanting to more easily blend in) will often pretend to be Canadians , whilst visiting abroad. It’s not exactly like we’re ashamed of being “American,” it’s that we are embarrassed by the general casting-type.
…Look, I have to say that by and large, we earn it. Having been abroad before, I was never been more aware of our loud, braying, overly-enthusiastic, self- entitlement than quietly sitting in corners of tubes and restaurants and buses…watching us being giant low-class dicks, en mass. We dress horribly. We push to run every room and tourist guiding, we chew gum in ancient cathedrals, scream at one another across silent museum lobbies, we complain about food portions, bitch about the size of the showers, and how everyone doesn’t bathe twice a day, and strangely like to infringe on , (and advertise), our private business to any and everyone who doesn’t (and won’t ever care)…cuz that shit is embarrassing.
…But then Brexit happened, and I was all, “Woa, for once we aren’t the biggest idiots”
…But then this election happened and now I’m all, ” Well, fuck. I gotta pretend to be British-Columbian from Vancouver, again.”
The deal is: I don’t talk political shit on my Facebook, I’m sure as hell not gonna want to “live,” on a tube platform with a random Italian. (Let’s be real, the English don’t talk in tubes.)
…Though, to be off the International Shit-List, they might just break precedent.And the French always have hated us (and always will), because of our hard-“R’s,” designer-knock-offs, and wearing T-shirts with vacation locations on them.
Americans are like the class clowns of the world. Right now: we are specializing in scaring the shit out of everyone–even ourselves. And frankly, I am not comfortable being a “representative abroad. ”
I’m not super proud of us right now. And I don’t wanna talk about it. Cuz the world I come back to, (the week of the election), scares the living shit out of me. If I could, I’d fucking just stay there.
…And I would always have said that. (But would have literally never meant it, more.) Than right now.
…And you know what? That kinda sucks.
…Because, though I unreasonably love Britain like it is in my blood (cuz it is)… I have great grandfathers who fled from those bitches, (on the Irish and Pilgrim side.) Like:legit. I’ve an ancestor who signed the Mayflower Compact, and we’ve fought in every single American war.INCLUDING against the Brits.
I *want* to be proud.
…But…
…As I prepare to cross the pond for a place I adore and identify with (prob’ly because it is in my blood) …and even though I really, really, REALLY, don’t want to get political…I just don’t know how I’ll be able to prevent it.
I don’t know what to say.
I don’t know how to excuse us.
…Because, I know a LOT of very, very very smart people.
…And they don’t seem to either.
And on an International level: on planes, busses, trains and week-long workshops… I dunno how the hell I’m gonna duck or explain it.
…And with ALL the weird shit on my brain right now…ten days before I leave to study abroad…why is THAT the main thing on my freak-out list, right now?
~D
