These crests and slumps of my sleep deprivation and all the compounding effects on my mood, appetite, energy, and general will to live are almost as exhausting as the act of not sleeping itself.
Although I’m currently plateaued at 2 pounds up from my lowest weight yet, I continue to get the “you’re so skinny!!” comments, and one of my supervisors told me to “go eat something” this morning. So I’m not totally in the dumps, but I need to be 3 pounds down by May 3 to make my deadline for my next progress picture. I’m also worried that my muscle definition isn’t progressing as planned since I had to miss personal training the last two weeks while I’ve dealt with drug side effects, withdrawal, a head/chest cold, and the most serious sleep deprivation side effects to date.
I was experiencing daytime somnolence and micro sleeps while working and driving. I had to leave early from work two days in a row because of my impairment, spending a full 24 hours in bed after taking a Remeron (and hating myself for it) because my inability to keep my eyes open (or sleep) was freaking me out. I had to miss my therapy appointment and feel all lopsided from not having that hour of total ME time…
But, I’ve actually slept half decently since Friday, and I’ve been prescription free! I think when I finally reach these pits of sleep deprivation, my body is more able to shut down and let me rest. There’s that to be thankful for. Also, the weather is beautiful, I’ve got the makings of my tan starting, I’m heading to Boston this weekend to celebrate Alyson’s (my best friend) 25th birthday, which means I’m going dress shopping tomorrow night for something super cute to wear out.
It’s hard to be sad or tired in the sunlight, and I am overjoyed that the warm season is arriving even now as I write.
