We are all interconnected in every aspect of life.
I am not one to put an abrupt end to friendships, but I am one to go on what I call “Friendship Sabbaticals” where I take a break from a particular friendship. There are a variety of reasons for such a thing, one being I am on the verge of not enjoying my friendship with that person and we’re both better off if we don’t saturate ourselves with the person who is currently less than pleasing.
I recently had a friendship end, however, completely due to my own choosing.
What remains, though, is an empty void that when something happens where I would normally turn to Friend A and Friend A is “off limits” it is easy to feel myself either getting sad or fighting a strong urge to leap in and reconnect “just this once because of my current friends no one ‘gets this’ like he does.”
We are, after all, humans. Humans are basically pack animals. When something cool happens, we want to find our fellow pack members and allow the excitement to lift us off our feet and in my case, make me talk too loud and too fast and bubble over with details the average person really doesn’t want to hear.
My friend and I were both serious fans of 13th Century Sufi Mystic poet Rumi.
Last night was one of those times I really wanted to talk to Former Friend X about Rumi and discoveries I was having so I called Current Friend A just like I would have called my sponsor if I was in a twelve-step program. “I just needed to…w ell, this thing happened and…”
Then it came, the one comment that made me stop talking, that made my end of the conversation dangle down, the thread meant to be woven into the bird’s nest instead falling to the ground only to get caught in the treads of a tire and driven for miles and miles.
Those comments that can’t be taken back.
Those comments that are about one’s being: not a specific action or a circumstance, but one’s being. Some people find a love for - and the knowledge of - what others may see as esoteric and off the mainstream as an indication of reason to be intimidated. This makes me feel sad, that people may feel intimidated by the subjects I love and therefore, check me off their list of "fun friends" because of my passion for intellectual subjects.
I stop writing for a moment to just enjoy the morning light. Early morning light is different in the way its angle delivers its "message." Emily Dickinson’s poem about the truth where she advises, “Tell it slant.”
This light - a slant light - makes everything prettier.
It makes my skin prettier, it makes my heart lighter, it reminds me there are bright sides to everything.
Today I realized Current Friend A may not be the one to call when I need to brace myself against “Friend A withdrawals.” This is important to learn and it certainly doesn’t mean Current Friend A is any less of a great person than before I made that phone call.
Tell all the Truth but tell it slant —
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth's superb surprise
As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind —
Emily Dickinson
My literary grannies never disappoint. They teach me how to live, how to love and how to stay in the present moment both with the words I choose and the life choices I make. Perhaps next time I'm looking for Current Friend B to chat with, I'll turn to my notebook instead.
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people's creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming Spring, 2014 and beyond.
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