Little Preggers

So I kinda mentioned like the last 9 months I was kinda... a little bit up the duff. Hey what that movie where the friend of the main character is like "I'm a little bit pregnant..." And she's like "what?! You can't be a little but pregnant either you are or you're not"?
Well I was and it's been pretty awesome, sometimes hard but awesome. It was after we moved that I kinda figured that something was afoot so I got a test and there it was - positive. Two little lines that tell you that you are carrying another human. I didn't feel different. I didn't look different. I didn't sound different. But there was something inside me that was totally different - a little new life, completely unique.
I told my husband - he jumped up and down with happiness and I don't mean metaphorically - he actually jumped and grabbed me and squeezed me and squashed me. I got a lot of kisses and smiles. We told our peoples and that was that... my pregnancy began. I was pregnant and it was pretty cool.
Good God. The morning sickness - it was the worst. I was being sick every morning, just this horrid yellow bile stuff that burnt my throat. It was so bad, I was really sleepy and super snappy and just a bit of a dick - but somewhere it sorta changed I'm not entirely sure when but then I was super chirpy and really happy, like I have so much energy, granted in bursts that don't last for long lol but I get so much done. I have to get everything done like I have to. It's crazy- like I can get everything done so quick.
In general I was pretty surprised with how well it went - I was told I wouldn't have kids like pretty much ever, and if by some pure, total and utter miracle I did somehow get pregnant then either me or the baby would survive, not both but it's been pretty good - the baby is really healthy. He grew perfectly and was medically on point.  Sorry I keep switching between tenses, I'm still not sure if I'm writing this for when he is actually born or if I'm going to finish it later. This whole post is going to be like that. 
He is growing great and is really fidgety, it's so cool but weird too.
I keep watching "What To Expect When You're Expecting" like over and over it's so weird.
I'm very tired like between the burst of energy which is a lot of the time but then again I'm like Queen of Laze lol. My appetite is badass- I can eat everything and I mean everything, even the things I hate like : coriander, vanilla, wasabi, rice, curry, meat, oranges.
We have a few names picked out but we want to like meet him - find out what he is like. You know what his views on marmite is, if he believes in the tooth fairy - important shit. Lol j/k - we just don't want to name him before we meet him, it's just something we both find really odd. How can you name someone without meeting them, a name is the first thing you usually find out about a person. Like I was named wrong and it was so strange not really feeling like my name belonged to me.
Omg when it was like really hot. I couldn't quite deal with it. I've never been someone who was good with heat but with my extra little hot water bottle I was not doing well. It's funny cuz you get dehydrated like super quick so you drink lots and like 5 seconds later you have to pee, it's like I wouldn't be so dehydrated if I just kept some of that fluid, dumbass body.
So yesterday was the first time we had to go the the FMAU - Fetal Movement Assessment Unit cuz he hadn't moved in ages and I was a mess. I was so terrified - turns out he was absolutely fine so yeah... that was intense. I've never been so scared in my life.
Omg Idk what it is about me and like bengali cooking at the moment - like I keep majorly craving bengali stuff and but we live in Exeter where it is about as white as it gets, like I see another Asian and I'm like "there are more of us!! Omg... you look so out of place..." lol. So yeah I kinda got into making at home, which is cool and stuff but it doesn't really taste the same, like it tastes pretty good but not exactly how it should. But it means my cooking skills have got better, they really sucked before now they mildly suck.
My first trimester was crazy hard - I was just so ill and I was struggling with the hormones so I was such a bitch, it was really hard for my hubby but he pretty much kept his cool. 
Second trimester flew by like idk where it went and I chirped up, I really enjoyed that phase -no sickness, no weird stuff, just sleepy. I was so chill like everything just didn't matter. I just didn't care. Things that should have bothered me or upset me I was just like "meh". It was like caring was too much effort. I loved it. It was the first time in my life I was so laid back. It's kinda stuck tbf. I'm still pretty chill - I just let my hubby decide most things. The colour/design shelves in the living room? Meh. The plates for our new home? You pick. The baby stuff? These ones are nice, I like them but meh. Like I wasn't there for the baby shopping, I was still in hospital after having him. My hubby did it all and got it spot on I loved everything.
And then third trimester was hard. I was just so uncomfortable or painful - everything was hard. Eating, sitting, sleeping, walking, peeing. Just everything. 
The whole birth/labor thing was awesome, agony but awesome. So I'm getting my hubby ready for work, it's about 9:30am - I'm making his lunch and there is this gush of fluid, I'm like "so I just peed myself" and I tried to stop it but it just kept coming. So I ran to the bathroom, it wasn't stopping abc then I kinda figured that my water just broke so I yelled to my hubby. He called my Maa, then the ambulance while  I grabbed my notes, finished packing my hospital bags and off we went. 
I get checked in and then they hook me up to this heart rate thing, jab my arms with stuff - cuz I'm small it always take like 5 attempts to get blood or put a cannula in and we waited for my contractions to properly start and my family to arrive. 
About 11am they started and my family arrived a bit later. The team looking after me decided to put me on my antibiotic drip and also the hormone mix that helps speeds things up but my body and the baby kept reacting really badly to it. At some point around then they broke my hind water and I was about 2 centimetres. 
Around 6pm I wanted the gas and air, I'd been in labor about 7 hours and my contractions were about 5 minutes apart I was about 5 centimetres dilated. 11pm, twelve hours after my waters had broken they were beginning to consider an emergency c-section as it was getting too much for me and the baby. They decided that if after 12am there was no change then they would proceed with a c-section.
12am came and went and my contractions were coming thick and fast things had picked up, I had the diamorphine at some point around here and then around 1am out he popped. 
My hubby, Maa, brother and sister were all there with me they while time - apart from the last hour or so when they sent my siblings out. Each of them took it turns to hold my hand - I don't really remember who's hand I was holding I just know I felt safe. Tbh I don't really recall much. Apparently I was quite funny! I remember my voice being hella deep after way too much gas and air so I did Darth Vader impressions and everyone laughing. I remember my Maa knocking at the door and getting annoyed and saying "whoever the fuck is at the door you're  obviously meant to be in here so just fucking come in" and the midwife pissing herself. Idk why but my hubby and Maa both got a multitude it fingers stuck up at them for various offenses I'm guessing. 
 My Maa was obsessed in these marshmallows that were heavy as fuck. Oh yeah we had like shit loads of sweets and chocolates, at one point my Maa ordered pizza, we had also had music on earlier in the day. It was a great vibe in our room tbh. My midwives were funny as hell. Tbh bar the pain I had an amazing labor - it was loving, funny and just chill. I felt happy and like I was ready. 
I'm not really sure what else to say tbh. I'm sorta done also it's 1:50am and I haven't slept properly in a month. 
So, yeah. 
Love,
Monica             xxx