Words are not enough to express how terribly lost I felt when I left med school last July 2011.Guilt. Confusion. Frustration. Disappointment.Those were the words that filled my world when I finally decided to give up that ambition of becoming a physician.After years of studying and holding on to the certainty that I will be a doctor, suddenly all the certainty just disappeared.I had to start all over again because I didn’t know what the heck I wanted to do with my life.That was, for me, the biggest challenge.
I felt like I was walking a certain path not knowing where to go.The road ahead was a total blur…I could no longer create a vision of my future in my mind.Plus…The road I was traveling was full of bumps…Who would’ve ever thought that searching for that one thing I wanted to do for the rest of my life could be so complicated?I had to feel hurt, singled out, alone, misunderstood…Made to feel wrong about my decision of leaving med school over and over again…Tears. Rage. Bouts of depression.
But I went on walking…Even if my weary heart and confused mind told me to stop and give up on myself…Even if others dictated the path that I must take…The path which, for them, was right…I remained stubborn amidst being totally clueless about the road I was taking…
A few days ago…My heart spoke…And it told me to create art. Because it will make me happy.So I did.
After a few months of trying to figure out where the blurry path is leading me…I felt like my footsteps are going to take me somewhere…A real place. A real destination.
I am taking more steps…I know I’ll get there.
