Diaries Magazine

Mocking Makeup & Hidden Meanings

Posted on the 03 October 2011 by Thefriskyvirgin
My makeup is mocking me.
Okay, maybe it’s not really mocking me, but it is chock full of irony. 
I received this eye shadow set as a complimentary gift for spending money my loyalty. 
Just have a look at the names of the eye shadows: 
Mocking Makeup & Hidden Meanings
You see correctly. 
When I saw it, I had the following reactions:
* Eye roll* Laugh* Immediately look for a hidden meaning
  1. We begin with Heaven, a nice whitish-beige hue. Meaning: Obviously it’s saying I’m an unearthly angelic being. *ahem* We’re going with this meaning ’kay?  

  1. Push-Up, a shiny taupe color. Meaning: My choice of dates might improve if I invest in a push-up bra. Bit crude.

  1. Silver Spoon. Meaning: Until I get that push-up bra, I will need said spoon for indulging in copious amounts of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and Captain Crunch cereal.  Jackwipe.  We must improve from here.

  1. Moving to a lovely matte black shadow called Smolder.  Meaning: Ah, well, this is simply telling me I need to work on the sexy.  Fair play.

  1. Ooh, the shimmering, pinkish Satin Sheets is next. Meaning: Start improving on the sexy by getting a pair of pink satin sheets.  My favorite color and encouraging shopping?! This one is a winner.

  1. The crème de la crème, Like A Virgin. Meaning: Well, it’s just stating the obvious, isn’t it? I mean, apart from the “like,” since I actually am a virgin.  Thank you for the unnecessary reminder. I’ll just be a smoldering virgin in my satin sheets, thank you very much.

  1. Honeymoon. Hurray! Meaning: The virgin moves to a golden honeymoon! Quite like this one. Want to stay on this one.

  1. Ever After! Wait, we move from Honeymoon to Ever After! Oh, I do like this! Meaning: Happily Ever After. *swoon & embarrassing girl squeal I will only do in private*

So, my angelic self should invest in a magical bra with man-alluring powers while realizing I must drown my woes with a few thousand silver spoonfuls of ice cream.  Eventually, I will somehow find my inner sex-kitten and smolder underneath some pink satin sheets until he comes along. Then, this little virgin gal will honeymoon her way to happily ever after. Hurray!
Oh no. Slight dilemma. I can’t possibly use this eye shadow set now! Using it would make it all messy, gunk up the words, and possibly, inadvertently jinx the potentially accurate hidden meaning…you know, the one I made up…for myself…yeah. 

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog