The first few months were good. I found a job pretty quickly which is usuall my #1 worry when we move to a new town. We need 2 incomes to make everything work. We were told by multiple people that Charleston is not a great rental area either especially if you have a pet. But silver lining we found a place that we love right before we were going to sign a lease with a not so great place. So far so good, right. We both have a job and place to live.
I honestly don't know what switched or happened to make me go from sunshine days to hating everything. But this place is wearing on me. I have had more anxiety or panic attacks than I have ever had before. My heart is so cold and my tongue is quick to speak. Usually not saying the most flattering or positive things. I have noticed that I am a lot more complainy than I have ever.
I'm sure a lot of it has to do with us not finding a church family here. We haven't been looking that hard due to the season and every time the team is away we are gone. But in my mind nothing compares to LifeChurch. I know that I should keep an open mind.
Blogging has also been a struggle for me. It's not for lack of ideas, but more of lack of motivation. I feel with my little negative slump I just come home from work sit in front of the tv and stuff my face. I love blogging and the connections that I have made. Why can't my brain just type posts for me? That would be great.
Lately I haven't been happy. I haven't been happy with anything. I have a great life and I know that, but I don't believe in my heart. I know that I haven't made life easy for Gary because he has never seen me like this and doesn't really know how to make things easier for me. I know that it doesn't make the end of the season for him any easier when I am constantly complaining. I try not too. I really do but he asks and I don't want to lie to him.
I have hid a lot of negative (or the not so positive emotions) from this blog. I'm not really sure, but I haven't really let my guard here. I come and post during the highlights and not the lows. I really have no good reason on why that it is. I want to write more real posts but I guess it comes down to feel judged. (That is a post for a whole other day.)
I know things will get better and I need to focus on positive. I have some great things coming up and need to keep my focus. I need to watch the words out of my mouth that they are positive and uplifting.
