Credit: Office Museum website
An office full of accountants is quite like a dysfunctional family of functioning alcoholics. We are all somewhat passive-aggressive, we all drank a little too much at the Christmas party, and we all seem to have forgotten what common courtesy in an office means. Being the snarky do-gooder that I am, I decided to compile a list of the top 5 or so things you should and shouldn’t do in an office.
The Do’s and Don’ts and Things to Consider:
1. Office Entertainment:
I understand that we all need something to keep us entertained at work from time to time. For some it’s music, others enjoy porn, and a few even like radio news programs. Now obviously, I wouldn’t expect you to be okay with me blaring my music (or porn) throughout the office, which is why I wear headphones. It stands to reason that others probably do not appreciate you blaring Fox News at your desk, sans headphones. If I wanted to hear a bunch of crazy people yell at each other and spread fear-monger/hate-monger bullshit then I would … well I would be listening to Fox News myself. However, I’m not because I don’t. Try wearing headphones.
Headphones I want from Fashionably Geek
2. Politics:
If you absolutely must listen to your parade of crazies then at the very least don’t add your own commentary. You may agree whole-heartedly that Homosexuals should not be allowed to get married. That’s your opinion and you are entitled to it. However, pronouncing it vehemently to your neighbor loud enough for the whole office to hear might just offend someone (Gasp!). There is a time and place for politics, the office is not it. So, would you kindly shut the #$@! up.
3. A General Rule of Thumb:
Speaking of shutting up in general, try it. You don’t need to spend 50% of the day talking/gossiping. There’s this thing called “productivity” and it’s all the rage in civilized society.
4. That thing you call “Lunch”:
You may be super excited about getting balls deep into that awesome anchovie and vinigar salad you brought from home, and who could blame you, but maybe eat it somewhere other than your desk. In the close quarters that we have, what you think smells heavenly makes me want to shove tampons up my nose and pray for a fire drill.
This feeling is also quite prevalent when you walk into the office wearing 50 sprays of that perfume you like so much. It smells like a unicorn vomited into a field of daisies and died, it’s decomposing body adding to the putrid aroma. In other words; one spritz will suffice.
5. Cleanliness is Godliness: 
I don’t care how messy you keep your cubical, if you want to surround yourself in a disorganized heap of garbage, go for it. It’s another ballgame entirely when I see you leaving the bathroom without washing your hands. There’s a sign right there by the door, impossible to miss! The soap and water is provided for you so what have you got to lose? Unless you are covered in Bee’s or the sink itself is on fire there is no excuse to exit the bathroom without squeaky clean phalanges.
I think that will do for now, folks. In the meantime, whats your biggest pet peeve in the office?
