Although I knew I did the right thing of leaving med school…I admit that, in a way, it was also a blow to my self-esteem.And the fact that I quit on the year I was supposed to graduate only reinforced the insecurity I felt after making that tough decision.
It was made even tougher because I felt like no one stood by me.All I heard were comments like…“Why?!!”“You should go back! It’s your last year!”But worst…I lost faith in myself.
Here comes life after leaving med school…I was jobless.But because of my fear of being judged and being seen by people who knew I was going to be a physician someday…I didn’t bother to go look for a job.Instead, I hid inside the house for days. And then months.Some days seeing sunshine. Some days wallowing in self-pity.It was coupled with the confusion of not knowing what I wanted to do with my life…
I found it inevitable to see myself as a failure.At this age, most of my peers are successful in their careers…While I seemed so lost and my future was unclear.Yes, it was that inner war…That battle with myself that made life more difficult for me…This may not be a big deal for other people…But for me, it is.Because once that self-esteem is lost…Then I don’t see any hope for me in this lifetime.
But through the power of prayers, I feel like I am slowly regaining that self-esteem.That faith in myself, where I know deep within me that I am capable of something.In those dark moments, God also blessed me with friends who truly believed in me.
I owe God and everyone who continue to support me that task of believing in myself.
I think I owe that to myself, too. :-)
