Rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. — 1 Peter 4:13
Yesterday… I was given another small challenge. A challenge that would be so ordinary for “normal” people.
A few hours before the actual encounter, I was feeling okay and thought I could handle it.
However, As the challenged approached, My irrational fear came to the surface once again, Magnifying the negative that could come out of the situation. This later on became a full-blown anxiety attack.
Not only was my heart beating fast, I was feeling nauseated and at the brink of going crazy. My mind was trying to convince me to face it, Saying, No, don’t run away, Over and over.
I did some workout on the exercise machine here at home to ward off the extreme nervousness. Yet my thoughts raced like scenes from a movie on fast forward. With my hand shaking, I searched for an anxiety self-help site on google. I did find one and read through the page. And although my eyes could read them clearly, My mind could not seem to understand the words – The feeling of dread clouded my reasoning.
When all attempts to shake off the anxiety were futile, I decided to give up.
In short, I failed at facing the challenge. Disappointing.
I wanted to beat myself up because of it. But maybe that was too challenging for me at this point. So I’ll stick with the less challenging tasks for now.
I’ll just have to try again next time when I have more courage.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.
―Mary Anne Radmacher
