Sometimes I wish Gary didn't work in the sports industry. I wish he would get a "regular" 9-5 job. I know he would make SOO much more money. Believe it or not front office staff doesn't get paid much for the long hours that they put in.
I wish I still worked in the sports industry. During my first internship in Asheville I found out I was pregnant (later miscarried), but I left that internship to be closer to Gary. I often wonder "what if."
I want this blog to be more successful and wonder why it's not as successful as other blogs. (I know why but I wish I was more successful here.)
I struggle with anxiety and depression. I haven't really blogged about it or really acknowledged it to my family. Mostly because I feel like they wouldn't believe or try to tell me I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Which leads to more panic and anxiety attacks when they aren't around.
I feel like a failure. I'm 31 and feel like I don't have much to show for my life. Yes, I'm married with an amazing puppy. But I feel because I don't have a career (because I move every 18 months), and don't have any kids then I suck at life. I know that's a little exaggerated but that's how I feel sometimes.
I'm the heaviest I have ever been and hate getting dressed in the morning. I hate actually going out in public because I wear track shorts and big t-shirts all the time. It's actually really annoying because I want to be skinny again.
I have actually never felt comfortable in my own skin. Growing up I was CRAZY skinny and people use to pick on me or think that I had an eating disorder because. Nope, I just had a really highly metabolism. Now that I am a grown up I wish I had that but now it has slowed down and I eat like shit. So the above problem is my fault which pisses me off as well.
I hardly trust anyone. I can probably name them all on one hand. In the past I have trusted people and got burned so it kinda takes a while for me to trust people.
I have a problem with perfect. It can be so bad that I am afraid to make a mistake. When I do make a mistake I feel like I'm going to fired or in trouble.
