When A Salad Looks Like A Pillow

Ever go on a date you really didn't want to go on just to please someone you know?
I found myself on one of these dates, something I affectionately refer to as ANDD (to be revealed at the end of the post). 
Bless him, I'm sure there is a match for him somewhere out there, but...it ain't me. (Throwin' in some slang! Yee Haw! And, no, I didn't slang it up on the date...we Texans save our slang for very special occasions...like a Cowboys game).
Conversing was a challenge, he hated sports, and laughing and/or joking was out of the question since at some point along his life he must have had a humor lobotomy.
When I asked him about his favorite sport, he said, "I'm not a sports man. That must be refreshing for a woman to hear."
Unless said woman loves sports. I instantly knew this man would have thought I was a crazed lunatic during the NBA Finals.
At one point, he started talking about some random topic like leaf pigmentation and all I could think about was how comfortable my salad looked.
The last time I worked so hard to keep the yawns at bay was during a lecture on Pythagorean theorem. The growing desire to rest my head on the table and use the salad as my pillow was rather disturbing...as was the fact that I didn't want to use toothpicks to hold my eyelids up--I wanted to jab them in my eyeballs just to get some sort of reaction from the man. 
We had nothing in common.  Zero. 
Moral of the story: When your salad looks like a pillow, you are on an ANDD, Ass-Numbingly Dull Date.