Last week when I kicked off my new weekly Faithful Friday series, I promised that I would go through my religious/faith evolution.So here goes nothing.
Growing up my family and I attended a small United Methodist Church in our town.I was never baptized nor was my younger brother.We stopped going around the time that I hit middle school (I think family issues had taken over our lives so much that church fell by the wayside).
Although I only spent a few years there as a child, I will always have fond memories of that church.Every year, the children put on a Christmas play with the direction of the music director, Mrs. Carol, one of the sweetest ladies I’ve ever met.To top it off for Christmas the kids even got to participate in a live nativity scene.I also have really lovely memories of our time spent in Sunday school.Because the church building was so small, Sunday School services were held across the street in the nursery school building owned by the church (we also went to nursery school here).Our teachers were always the kindest elderly women who loved crafts and coloring.
While I don’t remember many of the specifics of the lessons we learned, I walked away with a basic understanding of the story of Christ and a generally positive feeling about that church which was always filled with warm, loving, friendly faces.Although we stopped formally going to church when I was a kid, I do have vivid memories of praying to God throughout my youth (also that sounds weird to say I’m pretty sure I am still a youth).
But my connections to God at those times were always during times of strife.Take for example my memory of 9/11.Although it was 10 years ago, I remember in the darkness of the night, getting up out of bed, falling to my knees clutching my cross necklace,and praying to God that our World would be okay and that He would watch over us.
So I guess you can say, while my “formalized” religious attendance completely dissipated, I never stopped believing that God was out there.When I arrived at college in 2004, I had this fleeting thought that I should start going to a Christian fellowship.I got so far as to register for their list serve but my confidence faded quickly after that.I knew the basic story of the Bible but I couldn’t quote verses or talk in theological prose.I was afraid that all of these “church” kids would look down on me for not growing up in the church and memorizing the scripture.I’m not really sure where I ever got that idea from.I’ve never personally been berated for my lack of Biblical knowledge or church upbringing, but something about it made me so embarrassed.Unfortunately, I was never able to get over that embarrassment and fear, and my college career took the opposite direction toward Greek life and its all-encompassing required activities.
Once again, while I probably wasn’t living out God’s principles to their fullest during this time, I never stopped believing.I guess I just thought God could wait.But that nagging feeling that something was missing never seemed to go away.I easily could have fixed it by starting to delve into my faith but I just wasn’t strong enough.There’s no way that I could ever walk into a church cold without thinking that everyone was staring at me.
Eventually, I would be forced to face this feeling, when I met my soon-to-be husband in my second year of Graduate School.
But to say that we were some power Christian couple right off the bat would be a complete and total lie.When I met him, his faith had been shaken off balance as well.He had just finished a rocky, short-lived engagement and was pretty angry with God about it.I think a part of him felt like even though he lived the Christian life to the tee God wasn’t watching over him.
I really believe that God drew us together because we were both spiritually depleted and we needed the strength of one another to recommit to Christ.As I got to know my now husband, we inevitably delved into our religious history.He grew up in a Baptist church, attending church services long after his parents stopped going, and kept up his church life when he went to college.A few years into college, he met a girlfriend who attended the Church of Christ and he decided to switch to her denomination because he became convinced they were doing it the “right” way.
Although he talked about the seriousness of his faith, he had stopped attending church after his engagement was called off.Over the next few months, I start to push him to get back into the church life.For me, it was a welcome change that I was surrounded by someone who knew the Bible and took faith seriously—I finally had someone with whom to go to church.
In the beginning, he was very apprehensive about going back to church.In his eyes, he wasn’t living the right way and he felt like a hypocrite knowingly disobeying God’s orders.
To me, the obstacles seemed silly and easily surmountable.So together, about 7 months into our relationship, we took the plunge into living a completely Christian life.We started going to church services every week and doing a bible study together.Since I knew so very little of the Bible, Mr. A served as my mentor for those first few months.Every lunch break, we sat and read a chapter from the New Testament.Then one day having felt like I truly understood the entire story of Christ, I asked Mr. A to baptize me in the bathtub in our apartment.Second to getting married, there hasn’t been a more moving spiritual experience for us as a couple.
Eventually, we settled into a Church of Christ, Mr. A’s preferred denomination, but it was always a struggle to connect with them for me.The Church of Christ is probably one of the most conservative Christian denominations.They don’t use instrumental music because they claim that members of the first century Christian churches didn’t have instrumental music.They believe strongly in a strict interpretation of the Bible.If something isn't expressly condoned in the Bible, they won’t partake in it.This strict interpretation of the Bible means that women are not allowed to participate in ANY leadership roles, including being a deacon or elder, teaching Sunday School classes, unless it’s for the children, passing out communion or, in most cases, even speaking in church. Mr. A has told me a story about a Church of Christ he attended where there was outrage over the women having microphones to amplify their singing.
I’m pretty much on the opposite end of the spectrum on all of these things.Granted everyone’s faith is their own personal journey and personal choice, so I don’t judge any that is a CoC-er.It’s just not for me.I like to think of myself as a modern feminist so witnessing, what I viewed to be, as the repression of women just didn’t sit well with me.
I fought these feelings for a really long time.In the beginning, Mr. A held very tightly to the Church of Christ.He believed that it was the only “right” way.All of these feelings came to a head for us when the church we were attending refused to accept our placement of membership (it’s a long story but the gist is that they didn’t believe we were living a Christian lifestyle).
I think that really forced Mr. A to evaluate the church and his relationship with it.From my perspective, it was God’s way of telling us we needed to move on.Staying at that church would have stunted us spiritually, seeing as it already had stunted me.I think from that whole experience we learned about the kind of Christians that we didn’t want to be.So I don’t take it as a negative experience, it was definitely a means to grow.
After cutting ties with CoC, I started searching around for a new church, which proved to be pretty difficult since Mr. A required that the church had to serve communion once a week.
Luckily, I happened upon First Christian Church, one of the few other churches with weekly communion.Their structure is more open-minded and fluid, and they don’t adhere to a strict “this is the way the Bible should be read” attitude.
After visiting a few times, we decided to meet the preacher one-on-one to discuss the church and this is when we were completely sold that we had found the right spot.The preacher was close to our age and understood our concerns and outlook on life.He was very inclusive in his theological thinking, never once saying that his denomination was doing it the “right” way.
From that day forward, we’ve spent pretty much every Sunday and sometimes Saturdays too at First Christian Church of Alexandria.It’s been a place that has deepened and furthered my spirituality and love for God by leaps and bounds.A place where I feel like I can be my truest self without being judged.It’s the place where my soul feels whole.
So I tell you all of this to let you know that you can move from a spiritually absent life into a life that’s spiritually abundant.You can re-learn the Bible when you are an Adult, without fear or embarrassment—trust me there are plenty of other people doing the exact same thing.And if you feel uncomfortable in your current church, you can find a place that will accept for you for exactly who God sees you to be. The critical thing is that you find a church that makes you want go. As I like to say, whatever gets you to go, that's what's most important.
