I don’t recall why we went shopping, but I do recall my mother walking up to a grown/adult man and calling him out for staring at my legs; and, according to my mom, following us around the store.
Rather, he was following me.
I was 13.
I was wearing shorts.
Shorts?!
Until a year ago, that was the last time I ever wore shorts in public– because I didn’t want to call unwanted attention to myself.
Now, go back to 1984.There was no Internet, no cell phones, and no duck faces that ever made it past a playground.Things were, well, different.
A bit more innocent – but not devoid of sex or sexual feelings, even for a young teenage girl like myself.
Although painfully shy to ever admit at the time, I had school-girl crushes, and common sense to recognize that wearing certain items of clothing would warrant others perceiving me in a not-so-nice-light.
Maybe I was scared at the parental wrath, maybe it was Catholic guilt, but the truth is, even during my teenage years, I knew what was wrong, and I knew what right. I knew that perception, right or wrong, would affect me.
But most importantly, I knew what image I wanted to project to others.
As I got older, I recognized, more than ever, that my moral compass, my upbringing, common sense, and yes, my super strict parents, had their hands in my straight-laced adult life.
Although I didn’t intend to get married, I did – and my husband appreciated and respected me for having my strong moral values.He still does, and is very proud that he didn’t marry a “wild one.”
Now, don’t get me wrong, there are times that I wish I had been a bit wilder and actually let loose – maybe even wear shorts and have strange men ogle at me.
But common sense, or life experience, has proven me right on this one: the past will come back to haunt you. Sometimes in a major way If you document your (err) "fun times" in a very public forum - say Facebook.
Unfortunately for us (women that is), the past and our dumb and ridiculous decisions will not only come back to haunt us, they will also affect our future.A man making dumb decisions in his youth will probably only be a footnote in his life.
Yes, I know – it’s sexist, it’s wrong, but it’s absolutely true.
Women don’t have it as easy as men do.
One wrong turn and we will be judged, affected, and one day, live to regret those stupid decisions.
Opportunities, be it a job, or a relationship with a nice man that comes, well, from a nice family, will not happen.Because, I hate to say this, the family will get involved.
So, knowing that, why would it be OK, celebrated, and even –gasp- hurt the feelings of millions of grown, adult women, that parent young women when another mom, a mother of young men, tells it as it is?
Maybe the truth hurts?
Maybe we wish that we were judged by the same ruler as men are?
BUT, if you are a good parent, a so-so one at that, it’s your responsibility to not only raise girls that are strong, independent, and able to make their own decisions, but to also help them understand that those decisions, being as simplistic as the ridiculous duck face photos on Instagram, will have repercussions, and unfortunately…they will be judged.
Statements, not so nice ones, will be made, and unfortunately, their actions, photos, and now statements on the Internet, will not go away…
To that mom with boys that opened up the floodgates to a new discussion that needed to happen: congrats and thank you for being brave.
To the millions of moms that have young girls at home, take a breather, and have that awkward conversation your mother had with you when you were their age:
“Be careful of what you put out there, because other folks don’t know you like your family does – and you may be perceived differently than who you really are.
Those judgments, wrong or right, will haunt you one day.Whatever you do, be ready to defend yourself and stand strong for every choice you make in life."This, all of it, said with love and respect towards my fellow women, their daughters, my nieces, adopted, biological, and otherwise...
