One of the many things I am doing FOR ME:
Creating a 2013 Vision Board
I finally got that swift kick-in-the-ass I so needed, or wake-up call if you want to call it that. It didn't happen overnight, and it wasn't a single experience that encouraged me tell my ever-so-supportive-hubby: "I am done living this way."
I am done.
That was it. Three words, many experiences, and I got my mojo back. Not 100%, but pretty darn close.
I guess it all started a few months ago when I met my mentor for dinner at one of our favorite places (that no one seems to like but us).
The weight that I worked so hard to loose in spite of a crazy thyroid was creeping back up, I was recouping from surgery, my (broken) ankle didn't heal just right, and hubby and me were arguing - a lot (mostly because of the step-kids, family, and the money spent on both).
To add insult to injury, my hair wasn't perfect, the last facial, manicure, or any hint of the niceties I had done for myself had long since passed. To top it off, I was surrounded by some pretty crazy, unhappy and unstable people that just wouldn't go away (my fault - I will admit).
All-in-all I was unhappy. Unhappy, and good at pretending that everything was OK.
"Life goes on, be positive and vent with a few trusted folks, or live in my cave (AKA home)," is what I told myself every day, every night, and every time I let myself get carried into other peoples stories.
But my mentor wouldn't have it. He called me on it by simply asking "What happened to that tall glass of water that would walk into a room and light-it-up with her smile and magnetic energy? You are slouching, not making eye contact...you are not yourself."
Damn.
He set me straight - in the middle of a restaurant, no less.
Truth is, I was letting others shine and hoping that by not being me, they would be the the person I knew they were capable of becoming. I wanted them to feel comfortable and make them shine.
But in doing so, I lost myself.
I ignored my friends, lost interests that made me happy, and underplayed all the amazing things that were happening because I didn't want to make others uncomfortable.
While I can't leave my past or the people that were part of it. I can honor and bless those people and experiences -good and bad- because every single situation and person I have come in contact with has given me amazing learning's.
Yes, life is better lived when you live with service, when you are hospitable, and when you are thoughtful. And I plan to continue to live this way...
But the one aspect of my life that will change dramatically, is the me that, in an effort to make others happy, I ignored. Yes, Me.
I am done.
The most important person in my life, my hubby
Once I had this breakdown, many breakthroughs started happening: Awesome people have been coming back into my life. Incredible experiences are being presented to me; and my marriage has gone-back to the newlywed stage we skipped over. I'm also learning to let go of attachments, and stopped asking that others to "be the way I think they should be."
It took a while - two long years - but looking back, I needed this time to find myself and get ready. "Ready for what?" you might be asking? The answer is simple: To reconnect with the truth of who I really am.
