Little known fact: I'm a hermit.
The happier I am in my personal and professional life, the less of a need I have to leave my home and interact with strangers.
I have found that I am perfectly happy surrounded by my hubby, Maya, and sometimes my immediate family and close friends.
I wasn't always this way. Even the first year of our marriage I craved going out. Every night, most weekends, and I was basically ready for anything; at any time.
It's no surprise that the first year of my marriage was quite difficult, the second blurred, and by the third I was questioning whether I should be married - or not. But I did notice one thing throughout all this: The more time I spent taking care of my marriage, instead of going out and trying to find joy in others, the better things around me were.
It was a circle, but a positive circle. Happy marriage, happy self, happy everything else. Simple.
When folks say people change when they get married, we assume its because of the spouse. But the truth is, if you are happy, like to be happy, and want to see your partner happy, you figure out a way.
Some call it compromising or leaning in; but lets be honest, you just figure out a way to make things work.
Sometimes you give in, sometimes you fight the battle, and sometimes you compromise. It's a little of everything, sprinkled in with a lot of love, and eventually you figure something that works for you.
The more comfortable I became, we became, the easier it was to make big decisions without stressing. Sure we talk things out, but sometimes, most of the time, we just roll with the punches.
The closer we get, because it really never stops, the easier it is to trust feedback and suggestions from my hubby without battling it out.
When hubby mentioned that I was miserable working in PR, it took me some time to stop fighting it. But eventually I did. It took me a few years to admit that he was right. It was time to move on. And I did. I moved on.
But when the school suggestion came up, it was more of a conversation, less of a disagreement. It organically happened. And honestly? It was the best decision ever.
I don't think this decision would have happened as easily as it did if I still had that huge group of folks around me. I don't know about you, but I tend to suck-in other folks energy, likes, personality, and dislikes. Two years ago, the school decision never happened, because everyone convinced me, through their actions and silence, that it wasn't worth it.
Because things at home were not great, it was easier to trust others. I'm not saying I shouldn't - or we shouldn't - trust our friends. Honestly? If we have good friends, like I do, I don't think anyone wants anything bad to happen to you. But if your vibe is off, like mine was, their answer and advice will be off if because we are not in a good place.
But if you are in a good place, like I am right now, I really don't need people. At the end of the day, I sleep with my husband. I sleep with Maya. I have a close group of friends, that granted, we don't see each-other as much as we'd like to, but when we do, beautiful things happen.
So I figured out that I'm actually happy at home. That I do like cooking, and that yes, even shopping with my husband can be fun.
But most importantly, I have found out that being still is better than filling your time with things and people that are simply distractions.
