A couple of days ago a friend asked me about a mutual contact that we had both lost touch with. "Shelly (name changed) was a bit odd," my friend added.
While I wanted to agree on her personality assessment of Shelly, I don't think it was entirely her doing that weaned our relationship. Mostly, as I told my friend, we were in her 20%.
Let me explain...
The 80 20 rule, or Pareto's Concept, is something that I was unfamiliar with until another friend brought it up when I was sharing my frustration over Bertha (name changed) that, try as I may, she just.doesn't.like.me
In very basic terms, my friend told me, that for every ten people you meet or come across, two of those people won't mesh or like you, while eight of those people will. I imagine that both my friend and I were the two out of the ten for Shelly, and Bertha was in my 20.
My friend asked me about the moment I figured out that I didn't want to be part of Shelly's life. To be honest, there wasn't a pivotal "let's-end-this-right-here-right-now" moment with Shelly. Maybe because I know what it's like to have days where your hormones take the best of you, or there are day's were stuff just gets in the way, that I am quicker to just vent about someone, than cut them off completely.
The same went for Shelly.
Sure, she said a few annoying things, but rather than avoiding her completely, I figured that in the small world that L.A. is, we would eventually run into each other, or at worse, end-up working together.
So I did what most people in my situation would do, I scheduled a Skype call.
When Shelly logged into the call, she was late and possibly hadn't changed in days. Even remotely, Shelly couldn't look straight into the camera and her eyes, instead, darted from her keyboard, to an invisible something on either side of her screen.
I wanted to see her face as she told me about her business, her professional background, and ways that we could potentially collaborate. I was, as I usually am in situations like this, very open minded.
When it was my turn to share, I told her about "the type of clients I work with," I then listed my client roster, which, at that time was quite enviable. From Macy's, to Time Warner Cable, to Disney, and a few others, I was, my company was, doing well.
"The type of collaborations that work for my clients include," I shared...as I way to open up the opportunities for her as she had told me earlier in the conversation that she was interested in transitioning from a small business consultant, to a freelancer focused on corporate clients. This was, at least on paper, a possible opportunity for us both to work together.
"I am open to training you and guiding you as you work with our clients..." I then mentioned the NDA's that were required by my clients, to the admin paperwork we had to submit on a weekly basis, and all the procedures that were required to work with clients of this level.
"I work with small and local businesses...and we don't do any of that." She stated matter-of-factly, looking straight at me through the screen before she...rolled her eyes, then said "I don't think we can work together."That was the moment, I told my friend, that I knew we wouldn't mesh. Not because we ran our business differently, but because she didn't have an open mind and wasn't interested in learning why corporate clients worked differently from the moms-and-pops she was used to working with.
From that moment, err, that Skype call, our social media shares about work had less and less in common. Her circle of folks, her 80%, was my 20%.
We, coincidently haven't run into each-other since that interaction - or haven't in years. She was not willing to learn, and I, being the hard head that I am, was unwilling to let a faux pas go unnoticed.
Eventually, we were each others 20%...and that was, and is, OK.
----
A year, or two, has passed since Shelly and I have seen each-other or connected on social media. Truth be told, I quickly forgot about her until my friend brought her up recently.
But when she did bring her up, I thought about Bertha and the other Bertha's of the world, that easily make a 20% judgment with no other reason other than, well, nothing.
While Shelly, a card carrying member of my 20%, has a reason. She didn't hide behind the fact that our professional differences were the reason I would be in her 20%...and for that, although we might not mesh, I respect her.
